i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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