he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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