You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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