Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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