I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
