perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
