You can't motorboat a personality
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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