I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
