I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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