i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
