I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize