Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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