the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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