Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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