Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
