My first STD was from a foam party
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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