Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
