So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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