i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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