i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shame - the story of my life.
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