My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
