I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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