He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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