im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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