There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
