I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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