So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want a musical about memes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
