I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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