Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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