Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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