i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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