thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
