Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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