Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
