fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
