Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
