the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
