It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
