he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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