oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
