I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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