Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
