it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
