A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
