I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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