I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
