Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
