Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
