I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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