gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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