when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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