if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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