I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
