dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
