i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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