I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
