I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
