I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
