I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
