Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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