Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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