Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
