There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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