I can text with my tongue
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
