If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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