At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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