We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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