Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
